Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News!!
Barbara Jaurequi, MS, LMFT, MAC
In exactly 2 days, 2 hours and 16 minutes I will be at my doctor’s office for my first examination in 4 weeks. My doctor’s assessment of my progress will determine whether I can begin driving again and will also determine if I’m ready to begin physical therapy (i.e., start walking). My faithful readers already know that I had surgery nearly 8 weeks ago to repair my severed right Achilles tendon. Translation: can’t walk/can’t drive. I’ve been looking forward to this next doctor’s appointment like a kid looks forward to Christmas! My hopes are higher than they’ve ever been before…for anything! I will seriously jump for joy (on one foot of course) if my doctor gives me the green light to start driving again (no pun intended) and I’ll give myself three cheers if he says I can start walking. Maybe four cheers, what the hell!!!
But what if he says I can’t drive or walk yet???
The answer to that question scares me because I have no idea what I’m capable of doing in response to additional weeks of grounding. Would I cry? Yes; obviously. Would I get depressed? Absolutely not – I would be far too angry to get depressed. I think I’d be vengeful. And it wouldn’t be the sort of vengeance one would try to fight. It would be the cool sort of vengeance that feels good all over; kind of like the way it feels when the guy who’s been tailgating you on the freeway for the last 5 miles changes lanes and you get right behind him and give him a taste of his own medicine!! Oh man, that feels good! I’m glad that I’m not so evolved that I can’t enjoy a little revenge now and then. As a licensed therapist, I’m referring of course to revenge in theory only (yeah right!).
Actually, if he insists on keeping me down beyond this coming weekend, I may fire my doctor’s over-educated butt and go it alone. Between you and me, I’ve been secretly testing the waters lately. I can’t walk but I can stand on both feet for several seconds without support. I’ve never tried doing it away from the bathroom counter where I could catch myself if I began to totter over, but I’m confident that I am ready to begin my formal rehabilitation. And I’m certainly ready to depress the gas pedal and brakes in my car. Good grief! Just thought I’d mention that the song in my head right now is “Folsom Prison Blues.” Couldn’t tell ya’ why…
SLOW DOWN, PATIENCE!! I’m trying to catch you!!!
Well, that’s it for now. I’m down to 2 days, 1 hour and 30 minutes to go until doctor time. Until then, I will keep the faith (and TRY to stop future tripping!!!).
Waiting Anxiously for Patience
Barbara Jaurequi, MS, LMFT, MAC
I’ve come to the conclusion that my life would be much improved if there was a store that sold patience by the bushel. I would be at that store daily, cash in hand. I would probably hoard my surplus patience for fear the store would run out just when I was in desperate need of replenishment. I wish patience could be dispensed via a tissue box where you could grab a sheet just as you were about to sneeze (correction: lose control). Wouldn’t that be great? Just as you were about to become irate, frustrated, inconvenienced, etc., you could grab a sheet of patience, rub it on your face and feel relief. Maybe that’s what heaven is like: tissue boxes everywhere with sheets of virtue right at your fingertips just when you need them.
If you read my last post you know that I have been unable to walk or drive for the last 8 weeks because of my severed right Achilles tendon. I am happy to report that I am healing nicely in the sense that my tendon is being rehabilitated at a steady pace through stretching and whatnot. My doctor seems pleased with my progress to date. But I still have not been given the green light to bear weight or drive. But I think what I need even more than being able to resume my normal level of functioning is patience.
Wikipedia.com defines patience as a state of endurance under difficult circumstances. Per Wikipedia, this can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance or anger in a negative way. Wikipedia further asserts that we can also exhibit patience when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Finally Wikipedia tells us that patience is the level of endurance one can take before succumbing to negativity; it is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.
Is it possible I’ve possessed patience all this time and not known it? I’ve endured under difficult circumstances (e.g. not being able to drive while living in Southern California is a difficult circumstance, let me tell you). I’ve persevered in the face of delay and not acted out in a negative way (e.g., I’ve never screamed at my husband for making me wait in the hot car while he locked up the house and loaded my kneeling scooter into the trunk). I’ve exhibited patience while under strain for a long period of time (e.g., I’ve crawled up and down the stairs multiple times a day for 8 weeks – crawling for a human is a strain unless the human is under the age of 2; and 8 weeks is long-term in my opinion. Uh oh – it seems maybe I have lacked patience according to Wiki’s final definition (e.g., I’ve been negative, at least internally, in terms of my level of endurance for this difficult time in my life. In fact, I silently and vocally say “this sucks” a hundred times a day; I guess that is negative, huh?). Well, at least I’m steadfast.
Anyway, 4 out of 5 is not bad…it’s 80%! That’s a passing score in most anyone’s book. So maybe I’ve been patient enough. I don’t need to be an overachiever with patience for goodness sake. I probably don’t even need a storefront where I can purchase patience on a daily basis. Perhaps a monthly delivery service would do just fine; how many tissues can one person use in a single day anyway?
Still hanging in there folks…9 days and 4 hours until my next doctor’s appointment when I expect to be given some right to bear weight and drive my car. I’ll try to be patient until then.